Oral Fixation

I have decided to post something a little on the lighter side. What follows is my attempt at humor. I hope it makes you laugh.

Instead of the normal theological, political, and philosophical stuff, I decided to write on an overlooked issue that affects many people. Oral fixation plagues our society and could very well lead to its downfall. This problem takes on many forms, but some of the most common are chewing tobacco, chewing gum, eating, drinking, smoking, and kissing (the last two seem to be more common in Europe , probably because it is a more progressive society). While these habits are threatening the very fabric of society, there is still yet a more dangerous oral fixation. It is at this point that I feel I must confess that until just a few years ago I had an addiction to the most dangerous oral fixation. I admit it here now before everyone that I was a thumbsucker. It is not a fact that I am proud of, but I feel, as a rehabilitated thumbsucker, that I must share my story so that other thumbsuckers and friends and family of thumbsuckers might know that there is hope. I do not recall the first time I started sucking my thumb. I suppose that I did it out of peer pressure. A couple of my friends probably put their thumbs in their mouths and so to be cool I did too. The point is that I didn't see it coming; all of a sudden I woke up one day and realized that I had a thumb and that I was addicted to it. At first, everyone thought it was cool but after a while it grew old and my family tried to tell me that it was wrong. Naturally, I pretended I couldn't understand what they were saying. By the time I finally understood them, denial had set in. First came the denial that thumbsucking was a problem, and then I denied that I was addicted. However, as time went on, I found that I could not quite no matter what tricks I tried. I even tried covering my thumb with a sock (a clean sock mind you) but it was to no avail. Then came the day when I learned the truth about thumbsucking. Now, having spent my whole life in farming communities, you would think that I would have been used to people missing various body parts, such as finger, toes, hands, feet, arms, legs, ears, tonsils, appendixes, kidneys, heads, and spleens. (Just kidding; I actually don't think I have ever seen a farmer missing his spleen.) However, I seemed to have more of a fear of such absences than the normal child. On the day in question, I was attending an annual supper at the local old folks home. As I, with thumb planted firmly in my mouth, rounded the corner where the chili was, a neighbor of mine, whom I had never met, held up half a finger and said, “See what happens when you suck your thumb.” The sudden appearance of Mr. Buller's stub was very shocking and I think I overreacted a little. What was even more shocking than that was the idea that sucking my thumb could cause it to fall off. Up till this point in my life, whenever I was stressed, I would take comfort in my thumb. This caused a great dilemma and left me feeling very open and helpless with a quivering thumb trying to go to my mouth while my other hand kept it away. Though my parents tried to convince me that what Mr. Buller said was not true, I knew I could take no chances. Even yet, the addiction proved so strong that in the days following, I would often wake up with my thumb in my mouth. It was hard, but eventually I overcame my addiction and I have been thumb free for about twenty years now. As I look back, I am very happy that Mr. Buller scared me so badly. After all, if he had not, I might be a few digits short today which would have definitely changed the course of my life and may have made me fear my own hand (except to suck on it). Moreover, in search of other new highs and thrills, I may have experimented with other dangerous things, like liver and onions, bull riding, miming, or Russian Roulette. I hope that all of you will remember this next time you feel compelled to suck your thumb. Remember, “Suck on your tongue and save your thumb.”