Chapter 1 Section I
The Condition,
or
What is the Problem?
The daylight was waning fast as the two men sat down at the table. It had been raining all day and the ground was thoroughly saturated. Lew had just arrived on his long trip to the northern end of the empire. The storm had set in a few days ago and had become so thick that very little sunlight could get through and it had reached the time of day when thing appeared one way when they were another.
"So how was your trip?" Aver asked his long time friend.
“Long,” Lew replied, "Long and dangerous, but it's not over yet."
"I can’t believe that they would have you come all the way up here."
Lew nodded his head, "Well, I’m sure they have their reasons."
"Yes," Aver said, "They always do."
Lew got right to the point. "So, how are things here? Have you had any luck, have you been able to stop these barbarians from moving in?"
Avers smiled, "Yes, I’ve even been able to keep them back and I’ve actually gained some ground. Our latest intelligence says that they are retreating."
"Good!" Lew said triumphantly, "Maybe soon there will be peace."
"Yes, that is the ultimate goal," said Aver and at this point his expression changed. "But in my opinion this isn't the enemy that is hindering it."
"You mean them?" Lew asked, "Do you agree with me that we should kill them?"
"Yes," he said sneering, "there will never be peace as long as they keep distorting society with their spells."
Lew looked obviously shocked, "So you believe they have magic?"
"No," Aver replied, "And I didn't mean to imply that I did. The idea of magic is just a popular superstition. They can't do anything that I or any other normal person can't do."
Lew smiled, "Really, then how do you explain their ability to turn completely sane people to their side? I've seen them do it and I'm sure you have too."
Aver was obviously getting irritated, "Oh, it's just another brain washing trick, probably like the ones we use to interrogate prisoners. They make weak minded people feel good. If we could get rid of them like you suggest then I am sure we could fix this corrupting society."
"Well," Lew said, nodding, "Fortunately the Emperor agrees with us on that condition."
In a trench several miles to the north, a messenger could be seen in the hazy twilight running towards an earthen bulwark.
"General" the man said, "our intelligence shows that the empire is retreating."
"Good" the General replied, " We will pursue in the morning."
2 Comments:
Only you would end a chapter (sorry, a "section") with a "tactical" cliffhanger. I love you man, keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to reading more.
P.S. If you got a playstation or a ps2, I would HIGHLY recommend Final Fantasy Tactics. You would love it.
Based on my very limited knowledge of the art of story-writing, this seems to have a lot of potential. I can't say that I share your "obsession with tactics", but the last few paragraphs before that were well executed as an almost-ending. There is just enough information to pique your interest and creep you out a little, but enough is withheld to make you want to keep reading and find out what in the world they're really talking about.
It also seems like you have a good handle on the story, and are intentionally telling it a certain way, rather than just making it up more or less as you go. I fear I must often plead guilty to this rather absurd stunt.
And if the two phrases at the top are title options, I think I like "The Condition" better.
Anyway, I like what you've got so far, and hope you pick it back up sometime.
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